Easter, like any other celebration or special occasion, can be very overwhelming for many neurodivergent children. Fear of the unknown can cause something called surprise anxiety. Making some simple changes and forward planning can help support your child.  In this blog Kate Steer, from Nurtured Neuro Kids, shares her tips for easing surprise anxiety. All advice given here is general and not child specific so please adapt to the needs of your own child.

 

Anxiety and Autism

Special occasions and celebrations can make neurodivergent children feel anxious. Anyone can experience anxiety. It is common to feel anxious when a situation is perceived to be stressful or challenging. Even though it is not part of the autism diagnostic criteria, many autistic people experience high levels of anxiety. Research varies many studies suggest that anxiety might be common for around 40% of autistic children and 50% of autistic adults.

Difficult social situations and overstimulating sensory environments can increase stress and anxiety for autistic children and adults. Increased sensory load and pressure to conform to often unspoken social rules can increase anxiety. Another significant cause of anxiety is a sense of being misunderstood and/or not accepted by those who are not neurodivergent. To ‘fit in’ and not be seen as different, autistic people might mask or do what they feel others want them to do. This can be particularly marked in social situations especially around special occasions. These ‘special occasions’ may also increase anxiety due to a changes in routine, particularly unexpected changes.

 

Surprise Anxiety

One area that can be particularly stressful for autistic children is anticipation or surprise anxiety. Autistic children often feel more regulated when they are prepared for something and in control. A new experience or surprise can increase anxiety if you don’t know what to expect. Anticipatory anxiety in autistic individuals, often manifesting as "anticipatory dread," involves feeling anxious or distressed in anticipation of a future event or situation, and can be linked to certain triggers like senso such as sensory overload or social challenges.

Autistic children might feel anxious worrying about what present they might receive, as well as the added pressure of then having to ‘act surprised’ or happy and please the person giving them the gift. All of these things will lead to lots of anxiety building up to a situation, which others might see as fun or exciting. The same might be true of visiting people’s houses or new places. As a parent you know your child best, and it is so important to always consider ‘is this fun for my child?’. Sometimes we might think a situation will be fun, but when consider it through the neurodivergent lens of our child it might in fact be different. ‘What does my child need to make this feel less tricky or challenging?’

 

What can we do to support our neurodivergent children?

  • Use past experiences of when things have been successful or not successful to plan future events.
  • Where possible, talk to your child about things that they find challenging and what would make it easier for them (younger children might not be able to do this, and it is a skill that we can support our children to develop).
  • What accommodations can be made in terms of regulation tools your child needs, or can you reduce the amount of time your child is experiencing sensory overwhelm or uncertainty?
  • Surprises can lead to lots of anxiety, so where possible reduce any uncertainty which might include presents, trips out to new places and seeing friends/family.
  • Talk through days out or social gatherings in terms of who will be there, how long you will stay etc.
  • Show your child photos of any new places they will be visiting to remove as much uncertainty as possible. Increase certainty and familiarity where possible to reduce anxiety.
  • What can your child expect from the day? If there will be gift giving, can your child be in control of that? Perhaps they could choose what they would like people to give them, or if not then you can let them know what they might be getting. Eg. ‘I think Grandma has bought you a new book for Easter.’
  • The challenge of navigating social situations, especially those with unexpected or high-pressure social rules, can lead to anticipatory dread. Where possible remove these for your child – do they have to open their present in front of people?
  • Co-regulation – having support from you, their parent or carer, will help your child through tricky situations. Validate how they are feeling and find ways to remove triggers or navigate them together with as much preparation as possible.

 

Guest blog written and supplied by Kate Steer, Nurtured Neuro Kids
April 2025

 

 

About the Author

Kate is a Neurodivergent Family Coach & Education Consultant, as well as a parent to a neurodivergent child and a former teacher. She has over 20 years of supporting neurodivergent children and their families, and a wealth of both personal and professional experience.

For more information on understanding and supporting your neurodivergent child, including lots of fantastic workshops and resources, please visit

https://www.nurturedneurokids.com/

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