After a full day of stimulation and demands, neurodivergent and highly sensitive children often come home overwhelmed and emotionally drained. We asked Kate Steer from Nurtured Neuro Kids to help explain why the after-school period can be so challenging. She also offers 6 simple, supportive strategies to help children regulate and unwind in a way that works for them.

Why is after school so challenging for my child?

Neurodivergent and highly sensitive children generally have a lower capacity to cope with a full day of demands and stimulation. Without opportunities throughout the day to regulate it is very likely that their dysregulation and overwhelm will be too much for them to manage. After school they might be experiencing both sensory and emotional fatigue.

For many, especially neurodivergent children with ADHD or autistic children, this can manifest as heightened/big emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, irritability), difficulty focusing and communicating or sensory overwhelm. The transition from school to home can be a very challenging time for both children and their parents. Many parents struggle with knowing how to help their neurodivergent children regulate after school. From the moment our children wake up, there are so many demands placed upon then, so after school try to give them some control back and allow them to choose what activities they might like to do.

Let’s explore some tips that may ease these challenges. Remember that every child is different and every child’s nervous system responds differently. Here are some general strategies and ideas for you to try with your child and see which ones might be supportive for them.

 

Time and Space

When your child first gets back from school, try to reduce demands and give them the time and space to decompress how they choose. This might be drawing, colouring in, painting, reading, watching tv, playing with their toys or in the garden. Some children might want a little decompressing time on their own and then want to do something together. Or for other children they will need co-regulation straight after school and want you to play with them, read a book together or watch tv together snuggled on the sofa. Let your child lead with what they need and have some control after school. Remember what they need might change each day!

 

Lower Demands

Lower the demands and expectations placed upon your child after school. This includes talking or asking them questions, so when you pick them up try not to ask too many questions or demand too much from them. Some children might become more talkative or willing to chat once they have had some down time, so let them lead. If there is a noisy sibling in the car, perhaps your child might like ear defenders or headphones linked to some calming music or something to watch. Lower expectations in terms of chores around the house (hanging up their coat, emptying their bags) as this will likely increase their dysregulation or could trigger a meltdown after a day full of demands and overwhelm.

 

Create a Calming Space

Create a calming, quiet space in the house where your child can go to decompress. This could be somewhere downstairs or in their bedroom if there is enough space, and include a tent or a cosy, blanket fort or den area. Try to include tactile and visual sensory tools such as bean bags, fidgets and sensory tubes.

One thing I recommend using are visually regulating tools such as bubble tubes. These help to decompress and slow down busy brains. I have one in my house, and it is used for afternoon regulation, as well as part of a calming bedtime routine. Bubble tubes are perfect in a calming space and/or bedroom and can be used inside a cosy den or whilst reading. You might also have them switched on whilst your child is getting ready for bed, as part of a low arousal bedtime routine. The repeated movement of the bubbles, the soft lighting and changing colours help to regulate overstimulation.

‘I like the bubbles and the little fish bobbing about. It makes me calm and relaxed when I’m watching it, and it helps to slow down my racing brain.’

Ali, 7 years old

Regulating Snacks

Ensure your child doesn’t get ‘hangry’ by providing regulating snacks and water after school. I always advise families to take these to school, as children often come out of school very hungry. Crunchy and chewy snacks in particularly can be very regulating for neurodivergent children, including things like raw carrots/celery, apples, crackers, rice cakes, crisps, oat cakes, dried apricots, home made flapjacks (keep sugar intake low). If you can add in some protein, that will help to stabilise their blood sugar levels too. And in this hot weather, you could take an ice lolly that you have made yourself – I use silicone moulds and fill with fresh orange juice. Remember that heat is very dysregulating!

 

Sensory Play

Water play, using air-dry clay, kinetic sand, play doh etc are all great for helping to regulate the nervous system and allow children to decompress and process big feelings from their day. If you make your own play doh, you could add in something like lavender for an extra calming and tactile element. For water play, you could fill a tray with water and some containers and ladles (pouring and scooping can be very regulating), get out the sprinkler and run a bath and allow your child to have a long play bath after school. If you add in some Epsom salts, that will give it some extra regulation – perfect for before bedtime too!

 

Movement

Movement is important for helping to release big emotions and let them work through our body. If your child needs to go home and decompress first, movement could be something you suggest later. Movement might include

  • going for a walk - this could be done on the way home from school if your child has enough capacity
  • using a hopper ball in the house or garden
  • rolling on a peanut ball, dancing to their favourite music (kitchen disco!!)
  • using a sensory swing, jumping on a trampoline or
  • setting up an obstacle course in the garden.

 

Blog post written by Kate Steer from Nurtured Neuro Kids, Neurodivergent Family Coach
June 2025

 

 

About The Author

Kate supports families through 1 to 1 coaching as well as online parent workshops. She runs a group coaching ‘Regulation Series’ which explores all of the above in lots more details and helps families to better understand and support their children.

Use code NURTURE10 for £10 off a workshop or coaching session with Kate!

If you would like more support with this area, or to better understand your child’s big emotions and dysregulation you can contact Kate through her website:

www.nurturedneurokids.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nurturedneurokids